In the culture of modern "dating" there's one horrendous place in which many find themselves trapped. Much of modern "dating" resembles the push-button version of reality we are heavily entrenched in as a society. Relationships, especially of the romantic sort, on a large scale take on the characteristics of consumerism and quick gratification. Dating, that strange interplay between the single males and single females of our species, in many cases, is based upon a high-pressure sales situation. Commitment on any level is not honored, and the parties seemingly sell themselves to the highest bidder.
This is not meant to scare anyone. Much of the above is an over-generalization. I've witnessed many great relationships that have been born from a variety of scenarios. I'm happily married. I have a kid. But I've been there. In the wilds, amidst the savagery, blood and guts of modern "dating." Maybe one day I'll tell some of you the sordid tale. I've had my heart broken. I grew cold. I cultivated the lifestyle of a heartless playboy. Then eventually, I gave up relationships altogether. Four years ago, if someone would have told me that right now I would be happily married with a child, I would have told that person to go get their head checked. My question to all those out there who are fed up with modern "dating" is this: If you're so fed up with it, why not change the game? Insanity is defined as repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result. In the realm of modern "dating" culture, then most of us are clinically insane. So...
Getting back on point: I must define what the "friend" zone is for my purposes in this article--The friend zone is an unequity of relationship where one party has a romantic interest in the other party, but the other party has no romantic interest and only sees the other as a friend. Usually, a male of the species ends up pidgeonholed as the friend, but upon occasion this happens to the females of the species as well.
But since I'm a guy. My encouragement in this post is to you single dudes out there.
To all you lovely young chaps who have found yourself caught in the "friend" zone:
Please refer to the following blanket statement:
You only end up in the "friend" zone because you have put yourself there.
Let me be clear. I'm in no way saying that being friends with someone of the opposite sex should be avoided. On the other side of the coin, being aloof, and purposefully toying with someone and not being open about the status of any relationship is childish. Actually it's beyond childish. It's mean, cruel and based on extreme insecurity. Purposefully not being friends with someone so you can "hook up" without feeling guilty is murder. Make a commitment. Get married. Be a man. Then you can "hook up" all you like.
All in all, many of these "friendships" are based on the wrong foundation, often with ulterior motives other intentions.
Gentlemen: Take responsibility for your status in the relationship. Stop blaming women for the position YOU HAVE CHOSEN to put yourself in. She's not having you as a "friend" to torture you. This happened because you haven't been honest with yourself. Victims are only victims because they allow themselves to be victimized by giving their authority to somebody else. You weren't clear with your intentions from the get go. You didn't lead in the interaction, are thus being lead and are thus stuck as a "friend". If you really were okay with being "just friends", you wouldn't spend all this time complaining about how bad it sucks, or how you "want something more." Tell her that. If she's not on the same page, then move on. The relationship as "friends" or otherwise is not worth your time and energy. Grow a pair.
Gentlemen: Keep your personal authority for yourself. Real relationships (friendly, familial, romantic) can only function, survive and thrive if you are being authentic. Authenticity comes from authority, which means you being who you really are. Being "friends" with a woman because you secretly hope there's a chance of you becoming romantically involved is not honest. It's not powerful. And...you are not being authentic, because you are not being real. Do not be brainwashed by the Hollywood chick-flick market where the loveable screw-up, the doofy friend who's really more like a little brother ends up getting the girl. Be yourself. Be yourself and whatever that looks like. The rest will sort itself out.
Relationships, like anything worth having in life, take commitment and courage. Be courageous enough to be yourself. Set standards and boundaries for yourself in all of your relationships (friendly, familial and romantic) and do not be afraid to let the others know what the boundaries are. You will be happier and so will everyone else.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Can I Get A Fitness?
I often have people ask me about fitness. The questions vary from training tips for weight loss, endurance training, and goal (sport) specific training, to those who have been out of the loop for a while and just want a place to start. While the specifics of what your fitness goals may be will vary, there are a few general practices that are essential to success and improving your quality of life across the board.
As a disclaimer: I am not a licensed personal trainer or nutritionist of any sort. The tips listed below have been tried and tested repeatedly and have yielded consistent, positive long and short term results for myself and those who have taken the plunge with me. Though I do a lot of my own research, much of this has been discovered through a large amount of trial and error. As with anything, take this advice with a grain of salt and read with a critical eye.
1. STOP OVERFEEDING: Generally, the Western diet has us as a species eating way too much and it is making us sick. While counting calories is one thing, the NUMBER of calories are of less importance than than the SOURCE of your calories. The majority of calorie intake in the Western diet comes from high-processed, nutrient deficient oils. In essence, you can get a day's worth of calories, but your stomach is only 1/4 of the way full. So the stomach sends impulse signals to your brain demanding more food because your stomach feels empty. Adding more fresh fruits and veggies will increase your nutrient intake, fill your stomach up and you'll consume less calories. Certainly on days where you are more active, you will need more calories, but consider the source of your calories. Natural foods are structured at the molecular level to be perfectly broken down and nourishing to your body. Processed, refined "foods", although more calorie dense, have different molecular structures that your g-i tract identifies as illness. Your body has to go through an intense amount of unneeded stress to balance itself. In actuality, an overload of too much processed, refined "food" puts the body under a temporary illness. Always consider the source of your calories. Add more fresh fruits and veggies, eliminate as many highly refined, processed foods as you can. And on days where you don't exercise, don't eat as much. Calorie restriction on rest days allows the g-i tract to rest and re-program itself. This will help keep your metabolism constant, boost your immune system and flush out any lingering inflammation and metabolic waste. In summary: -More fruits and veggies. -On rest days lower your total calorie intake.
2. WORK YOUR EXERCISE INTO YOUR DAILY ROUTINE: The key for many, whether training for something specific, or just trying to get started is finding the time to exercise and continue at it regularly. The best way to solve this dilemma is to build exercise into your schedule. One of the best practices for this if you live close to where you work is...run/bike to work. You will save on gas and get your exercise in, plus you won't have to worry about finding time during the day to get to the gym, or sneaking out after dinner to go for a run or ride. If this isn't an option find another way to work it in. When I was a gym rat, I would keep a set of workout clothes in the car with me. On my way home from work I would get my workout in before I went to my house because I knew if I went home first, the odds of me going back out to get to the gym were very slim. I treated my gym time as another part of my workday, an errand that had to be finished before I was allowed to go home. What I do now is that I park my car, I take my keys with me and I run. If I'm doing 10 miles that day, I run five miles from my car. Since I need my car to get home, I HAVE to run the next 5 miles to make it back to my car. The necessity helps push me through the workout if it's a tough day AND it raises the stakes because now I'm in a position where I can't get home unless I finish. If you have an hour for lunch, use 30 minutes to go for a jog, use your other 30 to towel off and eat a nice salad. There are tons of ways to incorporate your exercise into your daily routine. Get creative and have fun with it.
3. SET GOALS FOR YOURSELF AND ACCOMPLISH THOSE GOALS: Exercise should be fun. I'll say that again. Exercise should be fun. Your body actually craves it and is perfectly designed to engage in the physical stress of exercise. As I stated earlier, the types of foods you eat play a huge role in how you FEEL as you exercise and recover. Setting goals is important because some days, even the best of us, "just don't have it." As much fun as the primal exuberance of having your body in motion can be, on those "just don't have it" days, goals serve as important mental and spiritual fuel to keep you going. There is strategy in planning your fitness goals. You want to find what I call the "sweet spot" when it comes to a fitness goal. By this I mean, your goal needs to be something you have the faith to go after, but not something so minimal that it's not going to force you to leave your comfort zone. At the same time, you don't want to aim for a goal that's so out of your league that you never feel like you're going to get there and every day feels like a drain because the goal seems so far away. A good fitness goal should fall somewhere in the middle. You leave your comfort zone and have to push yourself, but the goal is not so far over the top that it destroys your faith and self-confidence. Reaching the goal should boost your confidence and provide a stepping stone towards another goal. But...please, always remember to have fun on your way to the goal. Laugh at yourself constantly.
4. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY: This may be the most important of all. Part of the joy in creating fitness in your life, is coming to know your body, redefining the relationship you have with fitness and becoming ever more aware of the signs and signals your body is constantly communicating to you. It truly is a beautiful thing, and the more you practice the better you get! Your body is always talking to you, you just have to learn how to listen and translate. Injury and pain are very different entities. Pain can be a symptom of injury, but isn't always the case. The more your exercise and learn how to listen to your body, (this is especially true for endurance athletes) your pain threshold will increase tremendously. Injury, on the other hand, is when something will not function, or if further exercise will cause damage. Listen to your body, the difference is fairly easy to tell. Pushing through a little bit of pain can be a great confidence booster. Pushing through an injury is foolish. Learn the difference. Fitness is about increasing your quality of life, not putting yourself in the hospital. All that being said, rest if you need to. Take days off when they are required. You will quickly learn the difference between being lazy and needing a rest day. Although, if you get more serious about your diet, you will find your rest and recovery times will dramatically improve. A poor diet will lead to more needed rest and recovery time and a higher risk of injury. Also, if you get busy and miss workouts for a day or two, don't freak out about it. As always, have fun!
When followed, these general tips will greatly help you develop fitness into your life or aid in the accomplishment of further fitness goals. In my own life, by having the above general practices at work, I feel better and my general quality of life has continued to improve.
Cheers everyone.
As a disclaimer: I am not a licensed personal trainer or nutritionist of any sort. The tips listed below have been tried and tested repeatedly and have yielded consistent, positive long and short term results for myself and those who have taken the plunge with me. Though I do a lot of my own research, much of this has been discovered through a large amount of trial and error. As with anything, take this advice with a grain of salt and read with a critical eye.
1. STOP OVERFEEDING: Generally, the Western diet has us as a species eating way too much and it is making us sick. While counting calories is one thing, the NUMBER of calories are of less importance than than the SOURCE of your calories. The majority of calorie intake in the Western diet comes from high-processed, nutrient deficient oils. In essence, you can get a day's worth of calories, but your stomach is only 1/4 of the way full. So the stomach sends impulse signals to your brain demanding more food because your stomach feels empty. Adding more fresh fruits and veggies will increase your nutrient intake, fill your stomach up and you'll consume less calories. Certainly on days where you are more active, you will need more calories, but consider the source of your calories. Natural foods are structured at the molecular level to be perfectly broken down and nourishing to your body. Processed, refined "foods", although more calorie dense, have different molecular structures that your g-i tract identifies as illness. Your body has to go through an intense amount of unneeded stress to balance itself. In actuality, an overload of too much processed, refined "food" puts the body under a temporary illness. Always consider the source of your calories. Add more fresh fruits and veggies, eliminate as many highly refined, processed foods as you can. And on days where you don't exercise, don't eat as much. Calorie restriction on rest days allows the g-i tract to rest and re-program itself. This will help keep your metabolism constant, boost your immune system and flush out any lingering inflammation and metabolic waste. In summary: -More fruits and veggies. -On rest days lower your total calorie intake.
2. WORK YOUR EXERCISE INTO YOUR DAILY ROUTINE: The key for many, whether training for something specific, or just trying to get started is finding the time to exercise and continue at it regularly. The best way to solve this dilemma is to build exercise into your schedule. One of the best practices for this if you live close to where you work is...run/bike to work. You will save on gas and get your exercise in, plus you won't have to worry about finding time during the day to get to the gym, or sneaking out after dinner to go for a run or ride. If this isn't an option find another way to work it in. When I was a gym rat, I would keep a set of workout clothes in the car with me. On my way home from work I would get my workout in before I went to my house because I knew if I went home first, the odds of me going back out to get to the gym were very slim. I treated my gym time as another part of my workday, an errand that had to be finished before I was allowed to go home. What I do now is that I park my car, I take my keys with me and I run. If I'm doing 10 miles that day, I run five miles from my car. Since I need my car to get home, I HAVE to run the next 5 miles to make it back to my car. The necessity helps push me through the workout if it's a tough day AND it raises the stakes because now I'm in a position where I can't get home unless I finish. If you have an hour for lunch, use 30 minutes to go for a jog, use your other 30 to towel off and eat a nice salad. There are tons of ways to incorporate your exercise into your daily routine. Get creative and have fun with it.
3. SET GOALS FOR YOURSELF AND ACCOMPLISH THOSE GOALS: Exercise should be fun. I'll say that again. Exercise should be fun. Your body actually craves it and is perfectly designed to engage in the physical stress of exercise. As I stated earlier, the types of foods you eat play a huge role in how you FEEL as you exercise and recover. Setting goals is important because some days, even the best of us, "just don't have it." As much fun as the primal exuberance of having your body in motion can be, on those "just don't have it" days, goals serve as important mental and spiritual fuel to keep you going. There is strategy in planning your fitness goals. You want to find what I call the "sweet spot" when it comes to a fitness goal. By this I mean, your goal needs to be something you have the faith to go after, but not something so minimal that it's not going to force you to leave your comfort zone. At the same time, you don't want to aim for a goal that's so out of your league that you never feel like you're going to get there and every day feels like a drain because the goal seems so far away. A good fitness goal should fall somewhere in the middle. You leave your comfort zone and have to push yourself, but the goal is not so far over the top that it destroys your faith and self-confidence. Reaching the goal should boost your confidence and provide a stepping stone towards another goal. But...please, always remember to have fun on your way to the goal. Laugh at yourself constantly.
4. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY: This may be the most important of all. Part of the joy in creating fitness in your life, is coming to know your body, redefining the relationship you have with fitness and becoming ever more aware of the signs and signals your body is constantly communicating to you. It truly is a beautiful thing, and the more you practice the better you get! Your body is always talking to you, you just have to learn how to listen and translate. Injury and pain are very different entities. Pain can be a symptom of injury, but isn't always the case. The more your exercise and learn how to listen to your body, (this is especially true for endurance athletes) your pain threshold will increase tremendously. Injury, on the other hand, is when something will not function, or if further exercise will cause damage. Listen to your body, the difference is fairly easy to tell. Pushing through a little bit of pain can be a great confidence booster. Pushing through an injury is foolish. Learn the difference. Fitness is about increasing your quality of life, not putting yourself in the hospital. All that being said, rest if you need to. Take days off when they are required. You will quickly learn the difference between being lazy and needing a rest day. Although, if you get more serious about your diet, you will find your rest and recovery times will dramatically improve. A poor diet will lead to more needed rest and recovery time and a higher risk of injury. Also, if you get busy and miss workouts for a day or two, don't freak out about it. As always, have fun!
When followed, these general tips will greatly help you develop fitness into your life or aid in the accomplishment of further fitness goals. In my own life, by having the above general practices at work, I feel better and my general quality of life has continued to improve.
Cheers everyone.
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