5 Tips that Will Help You Thrive in the NICU and Beyond

       Today is World Prematurity Day.  I'll be honest.  Until last year, I would have known nothing about it.  But things have changed.  What?  Over the past year, my wife and I have become the proud parents of a preemie and NICU survivor.  One of the things that amazes me about premature birth is it's prevalence.  It is more common than I previously realized, yet there is so little public exposure about it.

       In the following post I hope to spread a bit of awareness and give a quick survival guide to parents with children currently in the NICU or family and friends who have other friends and family with a child in the NICU.



1.  You CAN Do It.

       Over and over again this is what it came down to for my wife and I.  Without going into too much detail, our daughter was in the NICU for 149 days.  It is hardly the way you envision the first five months with your child.  You have to be prepared for changes, which happen almost daily.  You're lifestyle is going to be drastically different.  Things that seemed momentously important before will now seem as minor details.  You will laugh.  You will cry.  You will get frustrated.  You will be exhausted.  But at the end of it all, you will count it as joy.  You will emerge with a new appreciation for yourself, your family and your child.  It will be tough.  Please don't misunderstand me, I would not wish for anyone to go through what my wife, my daughter and I had to go through.  But for those who are in that situation now and for those who may go through it in the future:  YOU CAN DO IT.  YOU WILL DO IT.  You're tougher than you think and capable of much more than you believe.

2.  Ask Questions.

      If you are in the situation where your child has to have a NICU stay, this is imperative.  Your child will have a team of doctors assigned to him/her.  These doctors will ask you every day if you have any questions.  If you do, then ask, no matter how small you think the concern is.  One small thing could be key to the treatment of your child and your child's progress.  You will also learn that different doctors have different opinions on the methods and ways of administering treatment.  It is important for you to know where they are coming from, what their rationale for proceeding in a certain manner is and comparing that with the opinions of other doctors on your child's team.  You want the best for your kid.  Sometimes a doctor's decision may not be the best one, that's why it's important to know where they are coming from AND to talk to the other doctors.  All that being said, I would suggest refraining from doing independent research.  Trolling the internet for how to treat your child in the NICU is only going to make you anxious, and quite frankly most of will be of no use to you.  Most NICUs also have a resource nurse on duty for each shift.  This nurse is assigned (and paid to do research for the doctors and patients.  Make friends with the resource nurse and do not be afraid to have them look something up for you.

          
 3.  Spend as Much Time as You Can with Your Kid

       This should go without saying, but it is essential for so many reasons I possibly could not list them all.  It works hand in hand with #2 in terms of treatment because you will spend more time with your child than the doctors and knowing how your child has been acting and reacting to treatment is very powerful in getting your child exactly what he/she needs.  Your child has a unique personality.  Our daughter weighed 2 pounds, 2 ounces when she was born, but even with such tiny stature, even plugged into all the machines and monitors, she was fiercely her own person.  Getting to know your kid at this stage in life is a gift that most parents don't get.  Enjoy the privilege.  Your child is aware of and enjoys thoroughly your presence.  In fact, your presence alone may be the most powerful instrument in their healing, growth and development.  Our daughter met and has continued to meet many milestones much earlier than her medical team predicted.  We have experienced similar testimonies from other families who had children in the NICU.  Medicine and treatment is important, but do not underestimate how powerful your touch, your voice and your presence can be in the life of your child.  Spending time with your kid gives him/her this much needed experience and it gives you a more informed voice in advocating for your child when treatment progresses.


 4.  Take Care of Yourself

       This may seem to contradict #3, but it is essential and the two actually work together.  You want the time with your kid to be high-quality time.  If you aren't taking care of yourself, the time you spend with your child will decline in quality.  You may start to resent your child and begin down the spiral of self-pity.  This is not a good place to be in at any phase in your life, but especially when you have a kid in the NICU who has to get up and fight everyday just to stay alive.  It is imperative that you find time to relieve stress AND debrief with your spouse.  Go on dates together.  Do things you enjoy.  Take a little time to spend on a hobby.  Eat well.  Exercise.  Get rest.  All of these will make your child's NICU stay more manageable.  If you feel better, so will your child.  For me personally, I took up training for a 100 mile footrace during this time.  It had long been a bucketlist item for me.  The training forced me to focus on something other than my child's situation.  It distracted me from worrying about things I could not control and the physical exercise was a great stress reliever.  Take care of yourself too.  Do not feel guilty about going out and doing something you enjoy every once in a while.  You'll be happier.  The ride will be smoother and your child will notice.



 5.  Don't Expect People to Understand

       Sharing, being honest with your emotions and being proactive about your child's situation is important.  It will help you make sense of things and come to terms with NICU life.  It will be a roller coaster ride as you may be confronted, sometimes daily, with very hard decisions.  As you share with friends and family, it is good to build a support system, but do not expect them or anyone else to fully understand where you're at.  Don't expect them to "get it".  They won't.  That's okay.  People mean well, but they may say some pretty asinine things in their attempts to "help."  If I had a dollar for every time someone I wanted to throw someone out a window for saying something ignorant about my daughter's NICU stay, I would be a billionaire.  It is important to see their intention and not the effect.  People you thought were close to you may be scared of your situation and may make themselves unavailable.  Others, whom you may not have considered close, will step up to the plate big time.  It's just the way things you are.  Go with the flow.  Try not to be offended.  But ultimately, you are in control of how you feel and you are the only one who knows what it's like.  Talk to other families in the NICU.  They can be a big help.  Also the doctors, nurses and other staff, who work in this environment day in and day out have tons of encouraging stories when things seem hopeless.  All in all, do not let people's misguided attempts to help, or others non-attempts cause you to grow callous.  They don't understand.  and. that's. okay.  When you leave the NICU the emotional weight of your experience will go with you.  Letting go of any negativity related to your interactions with others during your time in the NICU is essential to transitioning to life back at home.


       Certainly there is much more that could be said.  I hope this was a helpful down and dirty guide for those going through a similar experience.  If you have questions or comments feel free to email me at mmonk23@gmail.com.  You can also see more about our journey in the NICU by checking out my wife, Stefanie's, blog.  Here's her latest article in regards to Prematurity Awareness month:
http://stefaniedreamswithjesus.blogspot.com/2014/11/olives-story.html



               





           

      

   

3 Reasons Why I Don't Vote (And Probably Never Will)

3 Reasons Why I Don't Vote (And Probably Never Will)

   
        Once again we are smack dab in the middle of election season.  Though not Presidential and Federal, local and many statewide elections have just taken place.  As usual I've seen friends and family divide themselves according to party lines, witnessed butt-tons of circular arguments, and even seen people end longstanding friendships over their political views.  For some reason, in our American culture this is deemed as noble, but in reality it is nothing but base, ridiculous childishness.
   
        In the midst of election seasons I always get asked who I'm going to vote for or what party I stand behind.  Inevitably when I tell people I don't vote and I don't plan on voting, I'm blasted with accusations of being "Un-American" "Not Patriotic" "The Problem with America" and "Uninformed".  I don't vote, not because I'm lazy or apathetic but because of the way I see the pieces of the puzzle fit together.  I and others like me have the right to not vote just as all you good patriots have your right to cast your vote.  In the following post, I hope to shed a bit of light on my decision not to vote.  Here are my top 3 reasons why I don't vote.


      1.  America is a Corporation

            Contrary to popular belief, we are not a "sovereign nation", but a corporation.  You can read all about it in the Federal Reserve Act.  http://nesara.org/files/fed_reserve_act_1913.pdf   (Click the link, there's a transcript to the entire act in black and white for your reading pleasure.)
As such our elected officials serve more as a board of directors for a corporation than they do men as and women selected and empowered by the people to represent and fight for the best interests of the people.  Hence, everything under the umbrella-ed jurisdiction of Federal America is considered an asset of the corporation.  This includes your home, your cars, your land, any $ you have in the bank, and even your children.  Ever wonder why you have a social security number?  Every wonder why you have to pay taxes?  Ever wonder why you need a license to drive, to open a business, to hunt, to grow crops, to get married?  That's because you and everything you own are all considered assets and belong to the corporation at large.  Because our "government" is structured this way, from the top down they are trained to do what is best for the corporation, which has nothing to do with your rights or status as a free human being.  Your right to vote, is nothing more than agreeing to give your personal freedom away to group of people who look as you as a non-sentient entity, merely an asset to their business.  When an asset becomes a liability, what happens?  Liabilities are liquidated of course...  I choose not to vote, because I choose not to be treated and represented as an asset to a corporation.  I'm a living, breathing man, and choose to be treated as such.


     2.   Our Representatives, Regardless of Party Affiliation, Work for the Same Handlers
         
           When President Wilson signed the Federal Reserve Act, he levied all the power of banks into one centralized bank named The Federal Reserve.  The problem is that The Federal Reserve itself is a private bank owned by a handful of private investors.  Since the investors forked over the $ to buy our banks out of debt, our country is indebted to them and thus has become an asset.  Our governmental officials then are subject to the wants and whims of the investors.  While officials parade around under the guise of creating and fighting for legislation that will "promote the common good", the reality is that they have to answer to the investors who control the Reserve Banks.  So as we elect our officials, they may make many promises to gain our consent to have them make decisions for us, but the painful truth is that they have their hands tied when it comes to doing anything to promote a real change outside the wants and desires of the investors/owners of the Fed.  In a nutshell, America is indebted to a small group of men, who bought out our debt and our "government"our officials in turn pledged each person on American soil, along with all our natural resources, as collateral for the debt.  I choose not to vote, because my representatives can't really represent me at all, they choose only to bend to the will of a few faceless investors who hide behind a corporate veil.


     3.    If Our "Democracy" Really Worked, It Would Have Already

            "One of the ways you control what people think is by creating the illusion that there's a                        debate going on, but making sure that that debate stays within very narrow margins. Namely,               you have to make sure that both sides in the debate accept certain assumptions, and those                 assumptions turn out to be the propaganda system. As long as everyone accepts the                             propaganda system, then you can have a debate." --Noam Chomsky

       Chomsky's words represent one of the chief reasons why the "democracy" in America does not work and has not every really worked.  The reason is because the media has hypnotized the masses through the political propaganda machine to buy into the notion that there are only two operative choices available in the political spectrum.  You're either democrat or republican.  These are the only two choices.  It's a false dichotomy.  If you're an independent, then you're a kook and conspiracy theorist.   As I related in reason #2, it doesn't matter who you vote for, because at the top of the pyramid, they're all working for the same handlers.  The propaganda machine presents to us an illusion of choice by narrowing our perspective to what reality is.  It is much easier to control people through their consent when they are given the illusion of choice and freedom.  A rule by force is much less effective because when people are aware they are forced into a system of slavery, they naturally fight back.  By subtly influencing our thoughts through the presentation of a false reality, people become submissive because they feel like they are making the choices.  The election of our political representatives is one stark example of this mind manipulation in operation.
         Hence, we get so caught up in debating issues, we miss the bigger picture.  If this system was working, then it would have worked already.  The reason it doesn't work, is because it was designed not to.  It was designed to control you.  A people who is truly free, needs no governmental body to represent their interests.  
         I don't vote because I choose to think for myself, not give my personal power over to another who does not represent my best interests.  I don't vote because I don't want to be complicit in decisions that lead to the murder of millions of people the world over.

       I don't vote because I have a choice not to vote, just as you have a choice to vote.  

       So before anyone goes bashing anyone else, let's listen to what they have to say first.  All in all, we are people first, not mere numbers, not merely ideas, and I think living, breathing people are much more important that ideas.  What about you?