In the culture of modern "dating" there's one horrendous place in which many find themselves trapped. Much of modern "dating" resembles the push-button version of reality we are heavily entrenched in as a society. Relationships, especially of the romantic sort, on a large scale take on the characteristics of consumerism and quick gratification. Dating, that strange interplay between the single males and single females of our species, in many cases, is based upon a high-pressure sales situation. Commitment on any level is not honored, and the parties seemingly sell themselves to the highest bidder.
This is not meant to scare anyone. Much of the above is an over-generalization. I've witnessed many great relationships that have been born from a variety of scenarios. I'm happily married. I have a kid. But I've been there. In the wilds, amidst the savagery, blood and guts of modern "dating." Maybe one day I'll tell some of you the sordid tale. I've had my heart broken. I grew cold. I cultivated the lifestyle of a heartless playboy. Then eventually, I gave up relationships altogether. Four years ago, if someone would have told me that right now I would be happily married with a child, I would have told that person to go get their head checked. My question to all those out there who are fed up with modern "dating" is this: If you're so fed up with it, why not change the game? Insanity is defined as repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result. In the realm of modern "dating" culture, then most of us are clinically insane. So...
Getting back on point: I must define what the "friend" zone is for my purposes in this article--The friend zone is an unequity of relationship where one party has a romantic interest in the other party, but the other party has no romantic interest and only sees the other as a friend. Usually, a male of the species ends up pidgeonholed as the friend, but upon occasion this happens to the females of the species as well.
But since I'm a guy. My encouragement in this post is to you single dudes out there.
To all you lovely young chaps who have found yourself caught in the "friend" zone:
Please refer to the following blanket statement:
You only end up in the "friend" zone because you have put yourself there.
Let me be clear. I'm in no way saying that being friends with someone of the opposite sex should be avoided. On the other side of the coin, being aloof, and purposefully toying with someone and not being open about the status of any relationship is childish. Actually it's beyond childish. It's mean, cruel and based on extreme insecurity. Purposefully not being friends with someone so you can "hook up" without feeling guilty is murder. Make a commitment. Get married. Be a man. Then you can "hook up" all you like.
All in all, many of these "friendships" are based on the wrong foundation, often with ulterior motives other intentions.
Gentlemen: Take responsibility for your status in the relationship. Stop blaming women for the position YOU HAVE CHOSEN to put yourself in. She's not having you as a "friend" to torture you. This happened because you haven't been honest with yourself. Victims are only victims because they allow themselves to be victimized by giving their authority to somebody else. You weren't clear with your intentions from the get go. You didn't lead in the interaction, are thus being lead and are thus stuck as a "friend". If you really were okay with being "just friends", you wouldn't spend all this time complaining about how bad it sucks, or how you "want something more." Tell her that. If she's not on the same page, then move on. The relationship as "friends" or otherwise is not worth your time and energy. Grow a pair.
Gentlemen: Keep your personal authority for yourself. Real relationships (friendly, familial, romantic) can only function, survive and thrive if you are being authentic. Authenticity comes from authority, which means you being who you really are. Being "friends" with a woman because you secretly hope there's a chance of you becoming romantically involved is not honest. It's not powerful. And...you are not being authentic, because you are not being real. Do not be brainwashed by the Hollywood chick-flick market where the loveable screw-up, the doofy friend who's really more like a little brother ends up getting the girl. Be yourself. Be yourself and whatever that looks like. The rest will sort itself out.
Relationships, like anything worth having in life, take commitment and courage. Be courageous enough to be yourself. Set standards and boundaries for yourself in all of your relationships (friendly, familial and romantic) and do not be afraid to let the others know what the boundaries are. You will be happier and so will everyone else.
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